Greed is good!

Corruption looms large not just in the developing economies, but is also quite prevalent in the developed markets. The underlying asset, greed, is heavy on the balance sheets of some of the world’s greatest corporations (or so they were touted till about a few months back) and their top management. One can quite easily assume that most of the world’s biggest companies would have, in some way or the other, spent the shareholders’ hard-earned money for their own personal interests.

The most recent incident is that of Citigroup. A corporation that lost $28.5 billion in the past 15 months and received a bailout package of $45 billion foolishly went on to purchase a new $50 million corporate jet, the exclusive 12-seater Dassault Falcon 7x.

ABC News reported that President Barack Obama, through a member of his team, quietly but firmly advised Citigroup executives that it might not be such a good idea to purchase a $50 million corporate jet from a company in France, not after Citigroup received $45 billion from the corporate bailout. The phrase used by the Obama representative reportedly was for Citigroup to ‘fix it’, which Citigroup apparently has done by canceling the corporate jet.

The world watched as the car chieftains (the likes of Ford and GM) got in trouble for flying their private jets to Washington to ask for bailouts, and the world’s biggest insurer A.I.G. got dragged before Congress for spending their bailout on California spa treatments.

Given the attitude of such a top management, the corporations are bound to suffer. Management that took Gordon Gekko’s word so literally when he said “Greed is good” in the famous thinking person’s movie – Wall Street, instead of learning a lesson from it.

Back home, Satyam’s 43,622 employees have finally found respite, from the corruption, in a new set of directors who have managed to pull out January’s salaries for all of them.

Raju’s illegitimate 10,000 others bite the dust.

One parting thought: a $35,000 commode is a lot like a new car — once you buy it, sit on it and take it for a spin, it does lose most of its resale value.

Luring vibrancy back

We read it in the papers all right. Yes, all of us did, and saw it on TV too. We’ve been reading up on the developments almost everyday since Gujarat announced it will be vibrant again on the 11th and the 12th of January.

This time we met after over two weeks for a round of beer at my place. Mahesh recently got back from Ahmedabad and brought back some of the vibrancy. “I have some yummy theplas (multi-grain and pulses Indian bread) for all of you,” he said.

The effervescent Gujarati, Mukesh, thrilled with the food from his homeland, exclaimed, “In the land of Modi, we love to eat!”

“In the land of Modi? When did it become Modi’s land?,” sprang Michael from the corner.

“The day his government could not control the fight for shelf-space between the theplas and the kebabs! The stores ran out of Kebabs,” replied Nafees, gorging on the yummy theplas, which by now were a rage, taking the focus away from the beer.

“If Modi becomes the Prime Minister, theplas will be served on trains and stations along with chai (tea) in kullads (a cup made of red soil and clay),” said Mahesh.

Michael said, gulping down the last bit of beer in his mug, “Our corporate big-wigs, the likes of Tatas and Mittals, will miss out on all the fun! Poor industrialists make a 'minority' in a country of 1 billion people. Modi apparently is allergic to 'minorities'. We need to make sure the theplas reach this 'minority'.”

“Oh, he’s good at keeping the 'minorities' happy. He has a clear cut strategy. Give them land to make their own theplas and offer the villagers broadband to buy those theplas online,” said Nafees.

Added Mukesh, “He is a visionary. He sells dreams. He has made sure the farmer does not have to travel miles for his/her basic needs. He can just log on to the internet with the new, fast broadband connection and place the order.”

“But of course, the electricity to access the internet, the road for the order to reach the farmer, enabling the farmer to be able to pay for his needs, will all be the promise to fulfill in his next term. There’s so much already to do to keep the minorities happy. Old graves, after all, are not meant to be dug up!” retorted Michael. Michael observed the beer was going down slower than the theplas.

The theplas polished off completely, it was time to change the topic. But Mahesh couldn’t help making the final remark. “The 'minorities' are ready to contribute towards his pay as the CEO for the country. They have already given their thumbs-up, satisfied that their share of theplas and kebabs are now secured.”

“I hope the shareholders are watching out for the CEO, the auditors and the independent directors of this firm in the making,” Mukesh couldn’t help adding.

The 7-year itch

‘7 year itch’, a phrase now often extended to refer to an urge to move on from any situation, and not even limited sometimes to those of seven years' duration. The original seven-year itch, however, wasn't a condition that supposedly began after seven years, but one that supposedly lasted for seven years.

B Ramalinga Raju has been conspiring for the last seven years! For seven years, he fooled one and all. For seven years, Raju has been showing profits that inflated more his ego than his assets. Satyam remained the fourth largest Indian IT company. Raju’s 7-year itch urged him to move on from the situation that lasted seven years. He finally confessed to his crime. If you’ve ever played Scotland Yard, Raju finally, in an act of clemency, revealed his whereabouts to a failed chase. Hah, no guesses for who’s the winner. Reminds me of a popular nursery rhyme.

Humpty Dumpty climbed higher on the wall
And how he got there, no one just could recall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
And all the investor’s horses and all the stakeholder’s men
While trying to figure out, where all the money went
Are now trying to put Humpty Dumpty together again

The itch that bothered the world for a little over seven years, well eight to be precise, is finally over. George W Bush held a surprise farewell press conference this week. He will itch his last in the coming week.

For years, Bush entertained the world with an outstanding comic performance as the ‘President of the United States’, a comedy of errors. A tale Shakespeare would have loved to tell. George W. Bush was asked in a recent interview what had been his biggest mistake in office. America’s 43rd president said he couldn’t think of any and that he wished he had been given advance notice. In his final and 47th press conference as president, Bush cheerfully supplied a long list of mistakes. The mistakes we all know are not worth wasting precious web space on.

I am sad though. I will miss his talk. His actions. His words. Something like this, speaking at his farewell press meet.

“You remember what it was like right after September the 11th around here?” Bush asked. “People were saying, ‘How come they didn't see it? How come they didn't connect the dots?’ Do you remember what the environment was like in Washington? I do. When people were hauled up in front of Congress and members of Congress were asking questions about, ‘How come you didn't know this, that or the other?’ And then we started putting, you know, policy in place, legal policy in place, to connect the dots. And all of a sudden people were saying, ‘How come you're connecting the dots?’”

:)

For the love of money

“Why did you name your blog Fridays with Rahul?” a dear friend of mine asked. I said, for two reasons. Two purposes that any blog should serve – when to expect and what to expect. One, for any successful blog, it has to have repeat audience. When one fixes a day for new columns, surfers know exactly when to expect the blog to be updated. It’s like a date with your audience. And two, the audience should have a reason to come to your blog. They definitely expect something out of it. Not necessarily for your grammar and your style of writing, but for your point of view. Your opinions and views.

Three weeks hence, and a conversation with my dear friend (whose heart is as big as he himself is when it comes to helping his friends), I decided to provide the audience of my blog ‘Fridays with Rahul’ with a dose of the week gone by, and the week ahead sprinkled with my own views and opinions this week.

Why Friday? Friday is the day for new releases. The day for new beginnings.

The week gone by

But of course, the biggest story of the week is that of Satyam. The saga is still unfolding as I write. Much is still being uncovered. But whatever we know as of now is really shocking. Fraud to the tune of Rs 7000 crore. And that is your and my hard earned money. It is the trust that was broken. Trust that we put in a company that ranks one among the top four IT companies in India. Repeatedly, over the years, Mr Raju abused Satyam’s shareholders, its partners, its employees.

What would be going through his head at the end of the day, each day before he would retire to bed? “Aah! Fools, I tell you. So easy and gullible people can be! What fun. Tomorrow lies another day, a fun, packed day with some more lies to hide the earlier ones. What fools I tell you, what fools!” So true. Satyam was conferred the Golden Peacock Award for Excellence in Corporate Governance in 2008!

Till about last week, I used to consider myself fortunate to have met and interviewed this extremely humble gentleman – B Ramalinga Raju. On various counts, he gave me interesting views and trends on the IT industry, insights into the business and a few stories to break. Never did I imagine a more down to earth and a grounded person could now be facing a 10-year jail term.

But not always what you communicate to the outside world is the real you within.

The week ahead

The week ahead is certainly filled with excitement. As the Satyam drama keeps unfolding, it gets funnier day by day. Statements made by the top management show just how weak their foundation is.

Some investor must lodge a complaint (FIR) against Mr Raju. That is all it will take for him to surface and face the nation to answer some crucial questions.

My wife can come home, and so can my maid if the strike by the state-run oil companies’ employees is called off, and I’d be a much happier man.

I hope India and Pakistan just end this tu tu main main which has been going on like the saas bahu saga after the terrorist attacks. The donkeys of India would also probably be smart enough to know that Pakistan is simply playing footsie.

One last observation: Money can buy you happiness only if what you claim actually exists in your bank account!

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money!

Firstly, I wish you all a very happy new year filled with fun, laughter, joy, peace, love, warmth and lots of money!

Who doesn’t need money? Who are we kidding that money doesn’t buy happiness. If I am unhappy, AND I have a lot of money, at least I can buy myself a ticket to the French Riviera, fly to Las Vegas and stay at the Bellagio! Somewhere between lying on the beach drinking beer and playing blackjack at one of the world’s largest casinos, am sure I’ll find happiness!

Critics would say that’s temporary. That’s not happiness at all. These material things don’t last forever. But then, what lasts forever? The fact is that nothing lasts forever, not even happiness.

Oscar Wilde once said, “When I was young, I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I’m old, I know it is.”

Now that I’ve attempted at establishing that money is important, let me try and share a thought, something that most of us take for granted. Most of us, Indians, do not like to think of the worst and believing in preparing for it. We do not like to think that one day we’d eventually die. What would happen then to our family? Our children? Our spouses? Our dependent parents? How will they sustain a similar lifestyle?

The answer is simple. By securing their future with money. Sure, they’d be the most hurt with the loss of a dear one. But wouldn’t you be happy to know that when you’re gone, you’ve made sure they lead a comfortable life?

Life insurance. Sold for all the wrong reasons. Bought for all the wrong reasons.

Say, you are the sole earning member of the family, and your monthly expenditure is Rs 20,000. If you were to die today, how will your family sustain the same lifestyle and meet these expenses for the next few years?

Just ask your agent ONE question before buying life insurance. Even if the agent is one from your family or is your friend. It’s your hard earned money after all!

• Given the current lifestyle, how much money will my family really need to sustain the current lifestyle if I were to die today?
  

If your agent can answer that, there are more chances that you will end up buying the right product.

Parting advice – life insurance is not for tax saving, and is certainly not an investment. If anything, it should protect your family against any misfortunate event that may happen in your life.

Buy yourself a term policy as early in life as possible.